Sunday, March 6, 2011

Some Thoughts

First I will start with a cute picture of the girls - we made cars on Saturday at Home Depot :)

Then can I just say that I am freaking exhausted right now!! I feel like I have been hit by a truck most days by noon . . . and by 5pm I think I can't move . . . but somehow my body thinks it's cool to wake up at 4am and not be able to go back to sleep . . . I would really like to say that I have enough perspective to know that my body is prepping itself for the lack of sleep coming soon, but really?!?!

And here is why this exhaustion is a problem - no matter how tired and worn out I am, I do not like to sit. Granted, there are times when my body gives me no option, but for the most part, sitting is not my thing - there is always something to be done. And right now it seems that most of my somethings revolve around my obsessive need for cleanliness, order, and organization. Nesting is something that pregnant people go through . . . I take it to an entirely different level. If the anwer on Jeopardy was dirty laundry, lack or organization, and things that aren't clean - the question would be what are things that give Jen a mild panic attack. Now that being said, with 2 kids already, there are some things that I have learned to let slide - mildly! I only pick up their playroom once a week - as long as everything is contained in that one room, it doesn't so much bother me . . . I get bothered when things start to make their way in to my living room! And the girls' bedroom - I feel like my girls are a mix, one is a mini hoarder and one, while still displaying hoarding tendencies, likes organization to her chaos - so I have learned to let their space be their space.

I have gone through this with all 3 pregnancies as the end comes closer. And you know what my big hangup is that I always have to do at this point?? Cleaning the bathrooms. I mean every imaginable surface gets sprayed with some horribly toxic bathroom cleaner (though all my other cleaners are green ones) and scrubbed and clean. I find this hilarious because isn't that the one room that the baby won't even go in?!? ha! It is also around this time in each pregnancy that I start to feel the compulsive need to make everything just right - perfect, organized, and calm . . . it's like I feel the inevitable chaos about to strike and somehow this makes me feel more prepared to take it on. I want to be prepared in the event that I can't do things - which should be most things given that I am having my 3rd C-section, but what did I just say about sitting?!? My other minor paranoia is getting everything ready for the girls' Easter baskets - on the off chance that I go into labor a few days early - I seem to be severely worried that they won't have an Easter basket!?! Yes - I realize how this sounds once verbalized, I am just sharing my thoughts :)

My final thought of the day is this . . . I read a lot of different ideas and opinions on this whole mothering business. While I have always taken it seriously, it seems that since I gave up my career I feel compelled to push my efforts into this, my new job. I have a list of things that I feel I do, or am doing, to make our home better and help our children get the most of their childhood. We are constantly going, always learning, I have gone paperless in most of our home, we are going to cloth diaper, I try to make the menu of food they eat as healthy as possible, we use non-toxic cleaners, we encourage creativity in lieu of electronic toys - the list is really endless - and I'm sure, if I were even more diligent, it could get longer for sure . . . and I am always open to new ideas - better ways of doing things . . . but I lost my cool and reached my breaking point the other day! I was reading some articles on ways to stretch your grocery budget (which I love to do, and manage very successfully!) and there was an article on how to make your own cream base for sauces in lieu of using the high sodium Campbell's cream soups! That's it - that was the end in which I snapped and I think went on a 5 minute rant to my mother . . . I get it, truly I do - more than most people, I do get it - modern conviences have gone to far and are destroying our environment and our health - but for the love of all that is holy, if I am doing all of this other healthy cooking, healthy eating, while at the same time maintaining this ever shrinking grocery budget, and don't even get me started on what I should be watching for in produce with organic stuff, can you not just spare me a freaking can of soup?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Really, in my own mind, just to boycott this ridiculousness, I turned around and used a recipe that required not 1 but 2 cans of Campbells soup that night! It seems so silly - but I just don't know where it stops . . . yes people lived without all of this, and still do, but at some point can't you just take advantage of something that is there for convenience?!?!

I think I am done with my random post of thoughts now :) The pregnancy has officially taken over my brain and body . . . .

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